The Myth of Discipline

..and what we really need instead

Happy new year and welcome to the first email letter of 2025!

Thank you so much for your messages and kind wishes - I’m very pleased to say that I’m recovering really well. This is my first full week back working - and although it’s been a bit of a shock to the system (!) after a few very gentle weeks recovering, I’m really happy to be back in the swing of things.

I hope you’ve had a good start to the year - I know there are often a lot of mixed feelings about this time. We’ve had some lovely snow here in Manchester (not often I get to say that!) and although it’s been very cold, (-6 degrees today as I’m writing this!) it’s been really beautiful.

I’ve facilitated an online version of my ‘Intentional’ workshop for a corporate client this week, and at the start I invite the participants to share their previous experiences with setting intentions and goals. A theme that came up repeatedly was the need to maintain more ‘self discipline’ to keep going with the intentions and habits they’d set themselves.

And I always find this really interesting - because self-discipline can be a bit of a myth. We think it’s the answer to making lasting change - often because hard work has worked for us in other aspects of our lives. But in my experience, most people have a lot more self-discipline than they give themselves credit for - particularly those of us who find comfort in perfectionism and achievement - and what we’re asking of ourselves is to be less vulnerable to the ebbs and flows that make us human.

Neuroscience suggests that our self-discipline fluctuates - and is depleted by various factors, including fatigue, decision overload, hunger and emotional overwhelm. Yes, impulse control, persistence and emotional regulation are skills that can be practised and learnt to a certain extent - but they’re also affected by the factors above - and so we can’t necessarily rely on them for long-lasting, meaningful change - simply because we are human!

I know you might be thinking, hang on, working on my self-discipline has worked really well for me in the past. And I’d like to invite you to get curious about how it worked for you - did it support you to make meaningful and wholehearted change (which won’t necessarily have felt easy, but will have felt authentic and aligned) - or did more self-discipline simply help you to ‘white knuckle’ your way through and add to the stress and pressure that you’re already navigating?

(I see this with some of my clients who come to work with me teetering on the edge of burnout - they’re often very motivated and try to do a lot to make sure they’re taking care of their health - but the pressure to maintain their good habits is adding on yet another layer of anxiety and stress.)

And if increased self-discipline did help you to make genuine lasting shifts that feel really good - then I’m not saying that you’re wrong, or that you should discount this experience - if it works for you - then don’t fix what’s not broken. But I do invite you to bring some curiosity to your experience.

And so, if more self discipline doesn’t work - what does?

• Support - where can you find this?

• Self-compassion - how can you cultivate this?

• Energy - how can you nurture this?

• Self-Trust - how can you lean into this?

• Psychological flexibility - how can you incorporate this?

If you’re thinking about making some changes, shifts or setting some fresh intentions this January - I invite you to grab a pen and jot down what comes to mind when you consider the above prompts in relation to your goal or intention.

I know this isn’t a simple tip or hack that will instantly and superficially boost your self-discipline, but I promise that considering these elements will stand you in much better stead - and keep your nervous system in a much more supported and regulated place to facilitate change and growth.

I’d love to know your thoughts on this?

Have a brilliant weekend,

Rachael x

My January is getting pretty full, but I will have space for 2 new 1-1-ongoing clients to start in February - you can check out all my 2025 coaching options here and book a call to chat further about this.

I will also have some capacity for one-off 90 minute ‘Deep Dive’ sessions in Feb, which you can book directly here. (Previous clients can book these sessions at a discounted rate - contact me directly)

If you’re looking for longer term coaching to support with courageous and compassionate change then I highly recommend checking out my “Year of Intention” 12 month coaching option (starting from £155/month)

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How else I can support you:

1. Dive into my substack archives and read all the previous pieces here

2. The Career Wellbeing Scorecard is short quiz that gives you a snapshot of your overall work and personal wellbeing. It takes 3 minutes (or just under) and you will get sent a link to a self-coaching workbook afterwards that helps you to understand how to nurture and grow your score.

4. 1-1 coaching: Evidence-based coaching that supports you to live and work in a way that feels good - and allows you to be the person you want to be - instead of always feeling busy, burntout and being consumed by your to-do list. If you’d like to find out more, check out my Shine Bright coaching programme here. If you’d like to discuss working together, you can book in for an enquiry call here.

5. Outside of my coaching work - I work privately as a GP and (peri)menopause specialist at Rowena Health, seeing patients remotely by videolink. I offer individualised and evidence based care that supports hormonal health. I also provide talks and educational events around women’s health to organisations and groups - do get in touch if you’d like to discuss arranging a talk or workshop.