Hello there! How has your week been? I’ve got something exciting for you this week. I’m always curious about how other people balance their wellbeing alongside their careers - and I think there’s such a lot of insight to be gained from this. So I’m starting an interview series and kicking it off with an old friend from school, Sam Butters, who is Co-CEO of the Fair Education Alliance.
I approached Sam to be the first person I interviewed a few weeks ago, not only because she’s my friend but also because I knew it would be really interesting for you to read about the changes she’s made to how she approaches life and work, having experienced burnout more than once.
And I also think she’s a great example of someone who is really passionate about maintaining boundaries around wellbeing for her and her team, whilst also being very invested in the impact and results that their work has. Sam is in her mid-late thirties and lives in London with her partner and daughter.
So, let’s get started!
How would you rank your wellbeing/work life ‘balance’ out of 10 right now (10 being the best)?
Sam: So I would say 10 out of 10 right now, which is pretty ironic because I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I’m about to do my last day of work before going on mat leave, I’ve been so busy at work in the run up – I’m a co-CEO of a charity and my co-CEO has been away for three months. Plus I'm a parent of a two year old toddler as well. So when you think about all of that, you wouldn’t think that I’d be scoring my work-life balance as 10/10. But despite everything that’s going on, I do really feel that my work life balance and wellbeing is exactly where I’d want it to be. I’ll explain a bit more about why I think that is later!
Tell me about a time in your career when you’ve done great work that you’re really proud of and have been able to support your wellbeing at the same time.
I think this is the time in my career that I'm most proud of. Why? Well, I’ve been navigating a really full on time at work being solo CEO of the charity over the past few months (when there’s normally two of us). I’ve got a two year old daughter, I’m pregnant and I’ve had quite a few complications along the way. But despite all this, I’ve been able to do some great work on behalf of the organisation and I'm so proud to have done that in what has also been such a particularly challenging time in some respects.
But I don’t think I’d have been able to say this if it wasn’t for my past experiences and the things that I’ve put in place as a result, so that I am able to balance my career with taking care of my wellbeing.
What have your career experiences taught you about taking care of your wellbeing?
I think the really important thing to say is that it’s not been this rosy for the vast majority of my career. I think if my 25 year old self could see me now, in this situation, with my wellbeing and work-life balance as good as it is, they would be astounded, because it definitely hasn’t always been like this – in fact, quite the opposite.
I started out as a management consultant and then I moved into the third sector. And in that period I had probably two or three quite extreme periods of total burnout where I wasn't managing my well being at all. And I think I've learnt so much from those experiences, particularly around how to manage my own emotional responses to stress, pressure and anxiety, which has been key in all of this.
What do you wish you’d known 10 years ago about managing your wellbeing and work-life balance?
Actually, in some ways I’m not sure that I’d want it any other way. Those burnout experiences have meant that I’ve become so competent about managing my well being during times of immense challenge that I'm weirdly grateful, because as hard as it was, as I’ve learnt so much as a result.
What are your most effective strategies/tools/practices that allow you to support your wellbeing?
So first and foremost is about knowing that everything passes and really truly believing that. Accepting that there’s ‘well’ being and there’s ‘bad’being and it's a really delicate balance. There's a really interesting exercise that I got taught once about carrying a pen on your on your finger. You can just about balance the pen when everything's stable and you're stood still, but if you start to move around, it becomes more wobbly and harder to balance, and if you jump, it's almost impossible to keep that pen balanced. But living life isn’t about staying still, and so it’s about accepting and acknowledging that when there is a lot going on, things aren't going to feel great. Things are going to feel a little wobbly. But knowing that things will pass is so powerful. So when hard times come, like now, when I'm sat at the hospital at 8:52am before my final day of work, I'm knackered and I'm exhausted. But I know that actually this is a phase and it will pass and that helps me to move forward without getting bogged down in all the stress.
But the flip side of that is that it’s really important to acknowledge and accept the periods of joy and happiness, and really see the gratitude and amazingness of life when things are going well. So I'm an absolute one for celebrating and recognizing ‘I am so happy right now, things are going so well, I'm loving time with my daughter and my family is amazing’ We need to see the good and the bad in things – nothing’s ever perfect and nothing's ever a disaster – life is always a rich tapestry, even when things feel really difficult, there’s always some good to be found. I once got told as a joke that if I ever end up going to prison (hopefully not!) I’d end up making it into a positive experience, which I agree is probably true.
The second thing that really helps my wellbeing is pausing when something stressful or difficult happens, rather than leaning into the drama and telling everyone about it. Instead of fuelling my fight or flight response by getting caught up in all the drama of the stressful thing, I’ve learnt to change my behaviour so I take some time to pause, sleep on things and regulate my own response so I can focus on logic rather than panic.
And then the third one is about slowing down, not speeding up. Again, something that I’ve learnt from experience. But when things get busy there’s a natural human tendency to speed up and try and do more and more in the time available. To just get through it, get it done, speed up and push through. But ultimately this approach always had a 100% failure rate for me and ended up with me burning out. And now I’ve learned through the therapy and coaching sessions that I've done that actually the converse is true - when it feels like you need to speed up, actually that's when you need to slow down - on a micro and a macro level. It feels so counterintuitive, but taking some time, whether it's an hour or a day away from whatever is happening, is what actually calms everything down and gets you through.
I think of it like a marathon (I mean I've never done a marathon. I admire those who have done!) but I imagine it's like it’s not going to work if you just want to get it over with and try to run faster when it starts feeling hard. You actually need to refuel, get water and slow your pace down if you’re wanting to get to the finish line.
And then it sounds so obvious, but getting the basics right - like water, food, sunlight. I've totally fallen foul in the past of just letting all that go and ended up ordering UberEATS and Deliveroo for lunch, wallowing at home and not getting outside, not drinking enough water. And it really matters and makes such a difference. So it's an obvious one but it really makes a difference for me.
And then another thing that’s really shifted things is reducing my alcohol. Before covid I was in a cycle of work hard, play hard – and I don't know if I'd change it because I loved it at the time – but it wasn't doing me any good and obviously the alcohol just exacerbates stress. I didn’t stop drinking intentionally for my mental wellbeing or stress– I just naturally stopped going out due to covid and trying for a baby and then two pregnancies - and I can see that it’s really made a huge difference to my wellbeing and mental health - even though that wasn’t my intention.
I loved hearing all about Sam’s experiences and approaches - there’s a lot there which is very much focused around awareness, acceptance and psychological flexibility, which are recognised as being effective in burnout avoidance and recovery and that come up frequently in my burnout coaching sessions in clients. And I also really enjoyed hearing Sam’s experiences of using gratitude to help her manage the inevitable waves of stress and challenge with less attachment and overthinking - as well as enjoy the positive ripple effect that gratitude and appreciation offers us, particularly when we’re experiencing lots of pressure. If you’re interested in hearing more about Sam’s approaches to how she has navigated pregnancy and parenthood alongside her work, she talks about this on this podcast which you might like to listen to!
If you’d like to be interviewed for a future instalment of How they do it, then do drop me a message.
Plus - a little update - since this interview Sam has recently given birth to a lovely little boy and they are all doing very well 😍
See you next week!
Rachael x
PS. I’ve got 1 space left for a July start for my 3 month Shine Bright 1-1 Coaching programme. This is for you if you know that you need to make some decisions to protect your wellbeing and avoid burnout before it’s too late, and without giving up the career you’ve worked so hard for. After this, it is likely that my next opening won’t be until mid September. Find out more here or complete the enquiry form and we can arrange a time to have a chat.
Did you miss The Career Wellbeing Scorecard ? It’s a short quiz that gives you a snapshot of your overall work and personal wellbeing.
It takes 3 minutes (or just under) and you will also get sent a link to a workbook afterwards that helps you to understand how to nurture and grow your score.
I would LOVE you to try it out - and please DO let me know what you discover!
This seems to be a common experience amongst people who suffer burnout or have big, life transforming health scares. I know I certainly did. I know so much more now.
This is a great interviews. Thanks for the share